She May Need A Jump Suit Again

So that bastion of the Fourth Estate, Judith Miller, recently retired, having worked out some kind of severance package with the New York Times (probably including a pledge of silence from Bill Keller as a trade for getting this journalistic accident out of his life forever, though the Times is hardly innocent in her mess of course).

Well, as part of my minor contribution to the festivities, I’d like to propose that Miller receive the following mementos to truly commemorate her efforts:

A gold watch permanently set at 12:01 AM on July 8, 2003 in honor of the day you found out from “Scooter” Libby that undercover spy Valerie Plame was Joe Wilson’s wife

A DVD of the documentary “The Fog of War” by Errol Morris, in which Robert McNamara confesses that we must understand our enemy if we are to be engaged in battle, a goal which was nowhere to be found in your biased and sloppy reporting

Autographed photos wishing you good luck from Jayson Blair and Janet Cooke, two other journalistic pretenders

A “naughty nightie” which reveals your “assets” only to senior officials of the Bush Administration

A new set of kitchen cutlery, since you’re so adept at trying to chop, slice, and dice the reputation of individuals far more worthy than you (Joe Wilson by name)

An iPod (TM) with the following pre-programmed songs:

“I’m Your Puppet” (James and Bobby Purify)
“Lies” (The Knickerbockers)
“Someone’s Been Telling You Stories” (Dan Fogelberg)
“Find The Cost of Freedom” (Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young)

And if you ever contemplate returning to journalism, consider this.