"Naked" Narcissism

I know I’m really taking “the road less traveled” with some of these posts today, but I think this stuff is interesting, so here goes.

In the Doomsy household (and a few others, I would guess) we give the kids some little cheapie gifts for their Easter baskets, and we knew that this year, the young one would just go wild over the CD and DVD of The Naked Brothers Band, which (for the uninitiated) is a musical group of kids led by Nat and Alex Wolff (pictured…Nat is older and Alex is younger), the sons of musician Michael Wolff and actress/director Polly Draper. And it turned out that we were right.

This New York Times article provides more background on the family behind this project and how it came about. It looks like, after its debut on the Nickelodeon kids TV network, this will run at least for a few more episodes.

The two boys are undeniably talented, I will definitely give them that. And I’m sure their parents will keep them from falling into the typical traps for show business kids (do I really need to point out what happened to the cast of “Diff’rent Strokes”?).

But in the New York Times review, Draper makes it sound like, “oh, we just threw together this home movie, and we showed it to our friends and they liked it, and so we showed it to Nickelodeon and they liked it, so…”

Uh, no (at least, it doesn’t look that way).

Even though they had a budget of $1 million (which probably doesn’t go as far as you might think), the hour-long movie begins with a sweeping overhead shot from a chopper of the kids riding in a limo over a New York bridge (since there’s about 30 bridges in the metropolitan New York area, I’m going to guess Queensborough and admit that I’m probably wrong).

Maybe that came right from the Wolffs, maybe not. My point is that this is a lot slicker of a show then they’re letting on.

And of course, since this is a Nickelodeon production, it is required that the kids act jaded and world-weary beyond their years (which maybe they are, though that’s the fault of the parents as far as I’m concerned) and the adults act like total bumbling idiots. This is evident in the fact that the father and the parents of the other boys indulge these kids in every conceivable manner and put up with the requisite ridicule and offer only a zoned-out smile in response.

The article notes that the Wolff boys were heavily influenced by The Beatles (or, at least as much as they can be at this stage of their development – and by the way, you don’t know what joy truly is until you’ve heard “Crazy Car” for the hundred and fiftieth time in one day and can’t get the song out of your head to save your life). I suppose that explains why a good bit of this production is taken up with the disintegration of the former kids band, the Silver Boulders, in what I guess is supposed to be a kids’ version of the infamous “Let It Be” sessions (see, they reform later as the Naked Brothers and have a concert on the roof of the recording studio, of course). And the breakup of the old band is punctuated by food fights that automatically transpire whenever one band member disagrees with another over anything (and never chided by adults for this behavior, of course). And for good measure, the adults act like kids too, including a scene where two mothers wrestle with each other on the floor preceding a band promotional event.

Yes, again I know this is Nickelodeon, and yes, I know I’m not the target audience for this show. But is it asking too much for everyone to act like they’re supposed to, even a little bit?

And the New York Times article notes that the movie that was bought by Nickelodeon won an award at a Hamptons film festival, and I’m thinking to myself, gee, that sure is a slice of life of Americana, isn’t it? I guess, to show approval, no one applauded but rattled their jewelry instead (paraphrasing the John Lennon quote, I know). “Oh Polly, Michael, your children are simply daah-ling. I thought their little music home movie was adorable! Have you purchased your season tickets to the Met already? Please, try some of the Veuve Clicquot…”

Also, if you’re trying to place the small-screen program in which Polly Draper appeared prior to now, it would be “thirtysomething,” as noted in the Times article (lower case “T,” you see…ever so artsy, easily the most self-indulgent T.V. show ever concocted).

With a pedigree like this, it should be totally unsurprising that “The Naked Brothers” exhibits this sort of ultra-hip-and-too-cool-for-school mentality that makes adults groan with resignation. For example, Alex tricks the brainless teenaged babysitter into thinking that the U.S. is composed of 52 states (including Mexico and Canada), and when the two boys come across a talent agent who wants to sign them after another band disagreement, Nat exclaims “Jesus, what a jerk,” while Alex gets mad at Nat and days, “Stop that! He was one of our best presidents!”

(Again, it’s for kids, I know, but why must we celebrate American ignorance and selfishness in the process? And I’m sorry – I can’t help but object to Alex wearing the American flag as a “do” rag.)

Now before anyone thinks I’m going to get all Michael Medved here, don’t worry. This is not emblematic of liberal decadence in the entertainment industry and something that will hopelessly erode the moral fiber of our country to the point where we can never win The Global Forever And Ever You Nancy Pelosi Headscarf Wearing Assad Meeting Ted Kennedy Loving Liberal War On Terra. The young one has fun with it and I trust his judgment, and it’s up to us to make sure he learns how to act from other more suitable examples. I just wish the show didn’t reflect such selfish behavior (a girl complements Alex on his tattoo, and he looks off to one side diffidently and says, “I know”).

(And somewhere, my parents are nodding in approval and saying, “What goes around…”).