Bushco's Fear Factor

As a public service, I should notify you as to the next four false alarms that will take place in our nation's capital in an attempt to panic the voters of this country into choosing Republican candidates in November (in light of this story - I have my sources on this):

- Bill Frist will pass through a metal detector when entering the Capitol building, and instead of the normal tone, the machine will create a sound not unlike that of the song "Enter Sandman" by Metallica.

- A rat with a vial of white powder tied to its back will be set loose inside the office of Repug Rep. Heather Wilson of the House Intelligence Committee, but instead of anthrax, it will turn out merely to be crack cocaine traced ultimately to former D.C. mayor Marion Barry instead.

- As a result of information recently provided to the Senate Judiciary Committee by Karl Rove identifying a new suspected "enemy combatant" who bears a resemblance to a prominent Democrat senator from Wisconsin, Russ Feingold will be forced to undergo a full strip search in front of Congressional security personnel, which will reveal only that he wears a red, white, and blue speedo.

- A two-seater Cessna turbo-prop will violate airspace within the nation's capital, dropping reams of leaflets which will shower the Mall in Washington, D.C. Upon examination, it will turn out that the leaflets contain an illustration of Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter in bondage attire on all fours, with Ted Kennedy standing behind them holding a whip. The subsequent riots that will ensue in the south and midwest will last for days, resulting in the federalization of all local law enforcement agencies and any state National Guard units not currently serving in Iraq.

And it sounds like "our gal Hil" is calling them on it this time!

Update: Is he kidding me? (Brendan is all over this today, as well as Denny Hastert and Bill Frist "loving our kids"...oops, getting ahead of myself.)