Hating The Gay In Evesham, NJ

This takes you to more information on the video presentation called “That’s A Family!,” which, as stated on the site promoting the production, “is an entertaining documentary that breaks new ground in helping children in grades K-8 understand the different shapes families take today.”

The documentary teaches kids that we should show tolerance for all types of family structures, whether it involves parents of different races and religions, grandparents, or parents of different ethnicities.

And oh yes, it also portrays same-sex parents, which of course means gays and lesbians.

And that is why the Evesham Township school board is going nuts.

The Inquirer presented a column from Debra Chasnoff of Women’s Educational Media which produced the short film, and it also presented a column from Rebecca Nugent, a parent of children in the school district.

I am not completely unsympathetic to the concerns of Ms. Nugent – after all, she has to help her kids to understand this important issue, but we parents sometimes forget that kids have innate common sense on matters that are apparently complex beyond their years – but the problem is that Nugent trots out the same tired freeper nonsensical arguments that the wingers always retreat to when they find that they don’t have a leg to stand on.

Nugent says the filmmakers have their own “bias,” the filmmakers “endorse one particular moral viewpoint over competing views,” and finally, the filmmakers are engaging in “blatant indoctrination.”

Nonsense.

If you wish to read Nugent’s entire rant, then you can register with philly.com and do so from the above link. Here, however, is the text of Chasnoff’s column:

The school board in Evesham Township has decided to suspend temporarily the use of our film That's a Family! in its third-grade curriculum on different kinds of families. A special review committee will assess the appropriateness of the film over the coming months.

When I heard that news, my heart went out to all the children in the district whose parents are lesbian or gay, not to mention all of those who are adopted, being raised by guardians, or have parents who are single or divorced, or who come from mixed racial or religious backgrounds. Those are some of the kinds of family configurations of the children featured in That's a Family!

What kind of message is the school board and community sending to children whose family structure is perceived as "different" in some way? "You don't belong here"? "Your family is not normal"? Or - in the words of one parent who spoke out recently - your family is "disgusting"?

We made That's a Family! in response to requests from parents, teachers and school administrators who were convinced that having conversations in their elementary school classrooms about different kinds of families would help ensure that every student knows for sure that he or she belongs and is welcome in every school community - and to help lay the foundation for young people to respect differences of all kinds, which is crucial to reducing bullying.

We invited elementary school-age children from 50 diverse families to introduce us to their loved ones on camera. "What do you wish other kids would understand about your particular kind of family?" we asked.

"If your parents are divorced," third-grader Montana said, "it's not your fault. They just don't like each other any more. But it's not your fault."

Josh, a fourth grader, explained why he has two mothers: "Joan and Stacey are the main thing in each other's hearts, except for me and my sister. And I hope it stays that way... . The only hard thing about having two moms," he added, is that "sometimes people use mean words for gays and lesbians, and that hurts my feelings."

I have seen the reactions in second- and third- and fourth-grade classrooms when Montana and Josh show up on the screen. Students with divorced parents breathe a huge sigh of relief that their family situation is finally being discussed at school. Hands shoot up from students who finally have a way to talk about the rampant antigay name-calling that goes on at their school, just as Josh describes.

That's a Family! has been viewed by hundreds of thousands of elementary school students all over the country. Hundreds of schools - like those in Evesham Township - have found that it works well in second or third grade, when students are already studying about families. Others choose to show it in fourth or fifth grade in conjunction with lessons on community and stereotypes. The most rewarding discussions happen when schools invite parents and guardians to see the film, too, and be part of the discussions in the classroom.

Some talk-show hosts and Evesham Township parents have argued that these issues should be addressed at home. Of course they should. But the reality is that teachers in elementary schools across the country report bullying and teasing based on individual and family differences - especially using homophobic slurs - as early as kindergarten.

Concrete dialogue in the classroom using accurate and age-appropriate vocabulary about differences of all kinds is a crucial strategy in turning that phenomenon around. That's why the New Jersey Department of Education encourages schools in the state to use That's a Family! as part of the third-grade curriculum.

In the coming months, let's hope that the Evesham Township school board and local community find the courage to help children have those conversations at school, as well as at home, so that all children in the district know for sure that their families, and those of their classmates, are safe and respected.

I have some personal observations I’d like to add here.

My wife and I know parents in condominium developments where we live, and I should point out that, as a two-parent household with a child, we are the exception to the rule. Make whatever you want of that, but it’s the truth (and it's part of the reason why I got so pissed off at Smerconish the other day when he said that single-parent families are more dangerous than guns, or some such nonsense).

Overwhelmingly, we know single parents with one or two kids, and we know of a gay man raising an adopted daughter. Trying to arrange play dates for the young one in a situation like this can be absolutely insane, partly because all the kids have their own activities in the area; that’s primarily a good thing, but schedules conflict all over the place.

Maybe Rebecca Nugent lives in a nice community where both parents are frequently if not always nearby and everyone’s work schedules are somewhat compatible (another issue). Maybe all of the couples she and her husband know are somewhat similar to them in their beliefs, orientation, and ethnicity.

The reality that we know, as well as many other people in this country, is very different from that, however. And I cannot possibly understand how trying to explain that to kids (as well as reaffirming to kids who are products of such an arrangement that it’s OK) is a bad thing.

Update 8/31/07: The backward march continues (registration required).