A Down-Home Whacking

I guess there are a whole bunch of newspaper columnists in remotely rural areas of this country aspiring to dispense with sage advice disguised as commentary on current events that they hope will be useful (I probably just explained the media existence of J.D. Mullane, among others).

This admittedly obvious observation occurred to me when I read this post by Brad Warthen, editorial page editor of TheState.com, South Carolina’s Home Page (don’t know anything else about it except what’s on the masthead). Warthen, though, tries to imagine himself as a “mover and shaker” of opinion, though (like Mullane also, and – truth be told – your humble narrator to a certain degree, though I at least aspire to provide substance).

And Warthen has it in for John Edwards. You see, he thinks Edwards is a big phony.

Hey, I’ll admit that no politician is perfect, but let’s look at the “evidence,” OK?

His face was impassive, slack, bored: Another crowd, another show. Nothing wrong with that — just a professional at work.

But then, I saw the thing that stuck with me: As his introduction reached its climax, he straightened, and turned on a thousand-watt smile as easily and artificially as flipping a switch.

Entering into evidence People’s Exhibit No. 1 – Edwards Has A Toothy Grin. You may proceed, Warthen (regarding a meeting between Edwards and The State’s editorial board).

He was all ersatz-cracker bonhomie, beginning by swinging his salt-encrusted left snowboot onto the polished boardroom table, booming, “How do y’all like my boots?” He had not, it seemed, had time to change footwear since leaving New Hampshire.

On the 30th, Howard Dean came in to see us for the second time. Again, I was struck by how personable he was…

“Isn’t he a nice man?” said our copy editor (the fan). I agreed. Then came the revelation: “Unlike John Edwards,” observed the administrative assistant. What’s that? It seems that when she alone had met then-Sen. Edwards at the reception desk, she had been struck by the way he utterly ignored the folks in our customer service department and others who had hoped for a handshake or a word from the Great Man.

Entering into evidence People’s Exhibit No. 2 – Edwards Ignored The People Working For A News Organization’s Customer Service Department (could have been preoccupied and apparently was not intentionally rude, but never mind).

Proceed, Warthen (concerning John Edwards running late for two campaign appearances)…

It was well past the candidate’s alleged time of arrival (at a somewhat upscale reception at the Capital City Club), but no one seemed to mind. Then a prominent Democrat who lives in a fashionable downtown neighborhood confided we’d be waiting even longer. We all knew the candidate had a more public appearance at Martin Luther King Park before this one, and no one begrudged him such face time with real voters.

As reported in The State the next day: “Edwards was running late, and the throng waiting to rally with him at Martin Luther King Jr. Park took notice. They sat for two hours in the sweltering heat inside the community center, a block off Five Points.”

(But according to Warthen’s “prominent Democrat” source) he had seen Sen. Edwards go jogging in front of his house, along with his security detail, after the time that the MLK event was to have started.

Entering into evidence People’s Exhibit No. 3 – John Edwards Went Jogging While A Crowd Waited For Him In A Hot Community Center.

Your honor, we have no need of a trial. We can render a verdict right now – John Edwards is GUILTY of flashing a toothy grin while also ignoring a customer service department and keeping supporters waiting in stifling heat! TAKE HIM AWAY…

As ridiculous as this column is, I should point out that this is all part of reinforcing the narrative, brick by brick, stone by stone, mortared together as solidly as possible by our corporate media (and I can tell you from my own limited experience that quite a few candidates have kept me waiting for meetings or rallies in all kinds of circumstances, and though that is unfortunate, it’s pretty common when you have these people getting booked for appearances all over the place).

John Edwards campaigns as a populist, but he has been paid as a hedge fund consultant. John Edwards has a big, fancy house. John Edwards has a toothy grin. John Edwards gets $400 haircuts. John Edwards is insincere. John Edwards keeps people waiting in a hot community center in South Carolina.

And don’t forget that John Edwards also recently tried to pick a fight with Bill Clinton, even though the name of the former president does not appear in the quote attributed to Edwards in this story, and the New York Times reported that the Center for Promise and Opportunity, Edwards’s organization created to help people in poverty, existed only to further his presidential hopes according to the Times, which did not bother to investigate whether or not anyone received a donation from the charity (here).

And of course, our corporate media tells us that the poverty proposals of John Edwards are stupid, even though they didn’t even bother to talk to knowledgeable people on the subject (here, though I have to admit, again, that Edwards is going to run into a buzz saw, so to speak, if he tries to emphasize Section 8 housing as the – dare I hope? – Democratic nominee for president…just pointing that out, that’s all).

Brick by brick, stone by stone…

This is how the game is played. This is how George W. Bush was presented to us in 2000 as a “regular guy” and Al Gore was stiff, aloof, condescending, and quite probably a liar (though that was never proved, of course).

Don’t be fooled again, people.