I’ve been putting this off for a variety of reasons, but I have to come clean, so here goes (long post coming up).Last year when I returned from vacation, I noted proudly that we had spent a week at Martha’s Vineyard, a place surrounded by beach, azaleas, hyacinth, and all manner of natural wonder, as well as some of the most kickass seafood you can imagine. We took a trip on a catamaran and explored the island all over the place (the seaport museum in Edgartown, the clay cliffs at Aquinnah, the honky tonk shops, food places and arcade at Oak Bluffs, the old fishing town of Menemsha where Jaws was filmed) and had a great time.
This year, however, we traveled below the Mason-Dixon line to a wholly other place…Walt Disney World.
Yes, I know. I know that I have railed against this evil corporate enterprise for some time now. I have posted about the fact that Walt Disney was one of the most notorious anti-unionists this country has ever seen. I have posted about the fact that the Disney empire is, to a large degree, a celebration of an exclusionist, unquestioning, definitely-right-of-center vision of what this country should be about as far as they’re concerned when it comes to entertainment, political perception and the behavior of men, women and children (even pets too, though the T.V. programming of The Disney Channel is a bit of an exception – more on that later), rooted in a past that may have actually existed only in the imagination of “the great man” himself.
And oh yes, I’ve also posted about that terrible movie brought to us by one of Disney’s television affiliates known as the American Broadcasting Company.
But we went anyway, mainly as a reward to the young one who had wanted to go for some time and did very well over the past year despite some difficulties that were not of his doing. And we also went because we knew he would enjoy the parks and have a lot of opportunity to swim at the pool in the resort where we stayed for the week.
I promise not to try and make this sound too much like I’m promoting these people, but I have to be fair and say that they did a lot of things very well when we were there. For our first night, we descended upon the Hoop-Dee-Dos Musical Review at the Wilderness Lodge, as cornball of a countrified experience as you can imagine (the three-man, three-woman crew were dressed as if they were “Hee Haw” refugees via either a medicine show or a square dance, perhaps both, and they even sang songs and held up signs letting the audience know when the food would be served). It was entertaining to a point, I must admit, and as my wife noted, it really is the kind of activity that helps prepare you for what you will be experiencing for the rest of the week (she did a great job planning the trip, I should point out). Afterwards, we took a boat from the lodge, and in the process, watched a night time light show on other boats en route elsewhere before we arrived at the Magic Kingdom.
I should also point out that throughout the week, there were all kinds of street-theater moments of entertainers in full costume performing some silly slapstick comedy or parading or dancing around, trying to involve members of the crowd in the process. There were also more elaborate nighttime parades such as the one we saw when we arrived at the Magic Kingdom; we managed to squeeze in a couple of rides (including the new “Pirates Of The Caribbean,” which was fun) before we made our way to the bus stop for the trip back to Port Orleans Riverside.
And speaking of the bus service, I should note that the lines for Port Orleans versus all of the other resorts were easily the longest. This is because Port Orleans is composed of both the Riverside and French Quarter resorts, and either of them are huge by themselves; based on what we observed, more people stayed at either of them than anywhere else (versus the Grand Floridian, Polynesian and Animal Kingdom Lodge, for example). This was a problem particularly in the beginning of the week when it rained most often, though as the rain let up, it seemed that Disney became more aware of the issue and sent more buses.
On our first full day, we visited Disney MGM. We had fun even though the Haunted Mansion was closed, and it was impossible to get anywhere near the Indiana Jones special effects show. Also, while waiting for the Great Movie Ride, we watched clips of “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” and other Hollywood films which must have been the original celluloid; with digital reproduction, it’s ridiculous for Disney to show this stuff. And after we finished watching the clips, we found out the ride was broken, and we all had to leave.
(This was after waiting in line for about 20 minutes – the week was marked, for the most part, by waiting in line to wait in line in the morning, and add another line to wait through still in the afternoon. Visiting a theme park is an endurance test of one type or another; anyone not prepared to deal with that should stay home if at all possible.)
For the evening of our first day, we ate in The Magic Kingdom and attended Mickey’s Fantasmic Light Show, an outdoor event. The problem is that a line of thunderstorms worked its way through the park, and the Disney announcer encouraged everyone to squeeze into the theater while noting that the show could be delayed (and as the rain descended, the crowd that was bunched together so compactly quickly scattered). Also, every time people put up their umbrellas (including us), we were told by the announcer to lower them thinking it could attract lightning. It’s a bit tough to do that when you have a more-and-more-inconsolable eight-year-old who is starting to get soaked (and kudos to the Mickey-Mouse-rain-slickered yahoos behind us who yelled, “I’d rather be wet than dead” each time we tried to open our umbrella…the young one was terrific all week, but this was one moment when he had a meltdown that was totally forgivable as far as I was concerned).
Memo to Disney: the next time there is even a hint of thunderstorm activity in the area near the time the light show is to occur, cancel the show well in advance to prevent this ridiculous scene from ever taking place again (as well as the mad dash for the buses that resulted in the longest lines we dealt with all week, continuing to get wet as we waited). We didn’t pay extra for the show, and we promise we won’t hold it against you if you cancel it; we’d rather that you err on the side of safety.
Upon return to our room at the resort, we watched some T.V. as we dried off, and most of the channels of course were Disney T.V. shows, movies, or other promotional programming, including the ubiquitous Stacey and her “Top 7” Walt Disney World attractions; the half-hour program managed to squeeze in plugs for about a hundred attractions in the process. Our host was this chirpy, way-over-enthusiastic young thing who communicated through a combination of exaggerated hand and body gestures, sound effects, and very short monosyllabic sentences accented by what used to be called “Valley Girl-speak” (“I mean, you’ve just got to check out the new ride at MGM – Love Aerosmith, love roller coasters…hellllooooooo???”). Another bit of supposed quality Disney fare was a T.V. show about these two generic white, blonde kids living in a hotel acting like totally obnoxious brats, as well as another T.V. show about school kids who decide to walk out of class when they’re told to take a test; Disney’s “family” shows feature kids who, apparently, aren’t doing their jobs unless they initiate seismic ruptures on the scale of self-absorbed detestability.
We spent more time at The Magic Kingdom on Tuesday, taking some of the silly but fun rides with Snow White and Peter Pan, as well as “It’s A Small World” (don’t forget to use the old steam train – it gets you around faster than walking). Though we enjoyed Tomorrowland also, I should note that we took a ride on the go-carts on the supposed raceway, and I have to say that Disney should either retire the ride altogether or come up with some kind of new design. I had to push the gas pedal almost through the floor to get the cart to move at all, and the biggest difficulty I had was making the vehicle move while stuck on the track that kept it in its lane. It really was a joke (speaking of humor, the “Monsters, Inc.” laugh factory was fun, as well as the Buzz Lightyear space ride, and Space Mountain was as good as always). We had a good meal at Hollywood and Vine that evening.
We went to EPCOT on Wednesday (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) and saw the manatees at The Living Seas as well as a “Finding Nemo” show. We couldn’t get anywhere near the new exhibit “Soaring” even with Fast Pass, an option available to us since we had “park-hopper” passes (definitely spend the money on them if you’re going to Walt Disney World as well as the meal plan; the latter cut our food costs by at least half, and ask for any upgrades while you’re visiting – you get tons of counter service meals and snacks that you’ll never be able to eat over the whole week). Afterwards, we visited some of the countries in the World Showcase, particularly France with its great movie – we couldn’t get to Canada to see their great film also. We just walked around to Japan, Morocco and Great Britain, eating dinner at The Brown Derby before watching Illuminations, another great light show.
We went to the Animal Kingdom on Thursday, which may have been the most fun during the whole week. I particularly enjoyed the Maharajah’s Jungle Walk (including the bats) and the Kali River Rapids, and my wife and the young one went on Expedition Everest (sorry, I don’t do that stuff, though Stacey ranted about it all week). We also saw “The Tree Lady,” a woman walking around on stilts garbed in foliage moving very gracefully, lining herself up against other trees and some other well-placed obstacles upon which she could recline while people took pictures (again, including us). Another amazing piece of architecture in The Animal Kingdom is the Tree of Life, upon which is engraved about a hundred different types of animals. Afterwards we watched the really funny 3-D Animatronic show “It’s Tough To Be A Bug” based on “A Bug’s Life,” a movie we’d seen many times, and we finished the day with a ride in a Range Rover (more of a bus, really, I guess) through the “Kilimanjaro Safari.”
As I mentioned, the food was great and the restaurants were terrific also everywhere we went, and that Thursday night, we enjoyed a dinner buffet at Boma in The Animal Kingdom Lodge, which is an amazing place. The menu included African dishes like sea bass cooked in banana leaves, grilled salmon with tamarind barbecue sauce and a stew of the day (usually curry chicken, as noted here). There was a wide variety of salads also including cole slaw prepared with lentls and raisins which was delicious (I believe that was the combination – don’t have notes on this, sorry). We ate at a few buffet restaurants because the young one can eat a variety of foods, and we didn’t want to limit him to the kids’ fare at most restaurants of chicken tenders, beef, and macaroni and cheese.
Friday we journeyed to Typhoon Lagoon, that landlocked location where red state America goes to visit the sea shore (and make no mistake; though there were all kinds of nationalities visiting and working throughout Walt Disney World, when you visit you will hear predominantly southern accents – some of the people we spent time with on the bus were pretty cool, though I never once entertained the possibility of a political discussion…we’re all on vacation, after all). I stumbled in the wave pool and scraped my knee, which was my clumsiness more than anything else, and we floated down “the lazy river” (based partly on Stacey’s recommendation) in inner tubes while the young one enjoyed some of the slides. We got there at about 9:30 and had a lot of space, but by noon you could barely move. We had dinner at Le Cellier in EPCOT that evening and had yet another terrific meal (ordering the most expensive items that we already prepaid for since we were using the dining plan).
Saturday was once last visit to The Magic Kingdom, and then on Sunday we packed up, hung out at the resort, and then took the shuttle bus to Orlando International Airport for home (which, despite all of the nice shops, is currently a pit – I know the airport is being renovated, but there were open ceilings and exposed pipes all over the place; I hope they get everything patched up soon).
Something else I should note is that “pin trading” is a really big deal at Walt Disney World; there are all sorts of Disney character pins that you can buy primarily for hats as well as other pieces of clothing and trade with others. Price wise, they start at about $7-8, and if you buy them, the cost will add up pretty quickly (other people come up to you and ask you if you want to swap pins, and that’s perfectly acceptable if you’re willing to do that).
A final note, by the way, is that if there was one thing we got fed up with more than anything else during the trip, it was these people riding around on motorized carts primarily in the parks. I can understand a parent with a stroller containing one or two children having to butt into a line somewhere if necessary (and by the way, if you can avoid it, please don’t bring a child under the age of 5 or 6 because they’ll tire quickly, particularly in the summer heat, and you’ll be miserable particularly because you’ve shelled out a lot of dough and not gotten the benefit for it), but I couldn’t understand these other people. And in the beginning, I felt that I should be mindful of the fact that they may have been riding around because of a physical disability. But as the week wore on, I realized that these people were riding on these carts because they were grossly overweight, having not bothered in any way to take care of themselves, and at a certain point, I wondered why they were entitled to any special treatment at all.
I honestly can’t think of anything else to add about the trip – I know this is an enormous post, and I should probably wrap it up. As I said, I have no illusions about what Disney represents, but I have to give them their due when it comes to providing an enjoyable vacation experience. For the things that didn’t go well, there were many other things that did.
But I definitely could do without Stacey next time, OK?
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