What Might Have Been

I have to wonder what the Bancroft family, the controlling shareholders of the Dow Jones empire, is thinking in their decision not to allow themselves to be consumed by Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation.

I mean, just think of what would happen to the Wall Street Journal alone (and if that isn’t an ideological match made in heaven, I don’t know what is).

Not even considering the content of the paper (their news pieces are expertly written and researched, but the editorial pages are something I’d rather not discuss on a full stomach), the “look and feel” would get a major overhaul. No more of this wussy “Please turn to page so-and-so” business for continuing articles; why observe the niceties when “Go to B4” will suffice?

And think of the spectrum of colors for rules and banners that we would see within each section, and especially on the front page. Think “USA Today” on steroids. And do you want to talk typefaces? Say adios to that boring, snoozerama Times Roman that you actually have to sit and read without processing the words instantaneously from a glance while flipping around for fashion model ads in skimpy lingerie (and lots more of that would be in store also, of course). Arial, Coronet, Verdana, maybe Franklin Gothic Demi Bold…the mind boggles.

And that paper is just too damn crowded with…well, newspaper stuff, like information. God, white space, white space, and more white space, OK? And just imagine the “What We Think Insta-Polls” about shareholder return from capital markets, mergers and acquisitions, and the latest digital technology to make CEOs and other corporate wannabe types look extra-important at meetings. And don’t forget those kitschy “Up Arrow, Down Arrow” graphics referencing trends observed in the world of high finance.

And what would some obsequious vessel of the News Corporation be unless it was cross-marketing or promoting something else (and that fate would be in store for the WSJ, make no mistake, probably what it deserves when all is said and done)? More quarter and half-page ads on the front page of the paper and the Marketplace, Money & Investing and Personal Journal sections for “American Idol,” “Hannity and Colmes,” and “24.”

(Don’t worry if it looks like there’s no passably intelligent means to pull this off, by the way – we’re talking about Rupert Murdoch, after all. How about this: “Hello, I’m Jack Bauer. Before I bind the hands of a suspected al Qaeda terrorist with piano wire and jab the key from my Hummer into his forehead so I can get a confession about the next attempt to kill Dick Cheney, I make sure my Roth IRA contribution is deposited into a retirement account administered by Charles Schwab.”)

And finally, say hasta la vista to those 1800s-era pencil drawings of newsmakers sprinkled all over the place. Hey, you can just steal pics online without having to pay for licensing or a royalty to anyone. Why employ an artist for that stuff? Salary and bennies for that? Please! Tell him to go sketch out a portrait of President Coolidge or something.

So, Dow Jones, just think about the opportunity you apparently are going to pass up here. Trust me, Murdoch would make the Journal a much bigger selling rag than it already is in nothing flat among a whole new audience. It would fly off the shelves at convenience stores as people buy carbonated sodas, candies and starchy potato-and-cheese-flavored snacks along with it.

And I don’t think an opportunity like this will come around again anytime soon.

Update 8/1: Yep, I know I was presumptuous - Murdoch usually finds a way to get what he wants (and this is a fitting epitaph).