“Real Time” Update

I had another problem with the show this week, and I’ll get to it later on.

The show opened with Phil The Flag Guy from the “International House of Flammable Flags” selling “self-burning crosses” (running on electricity and “your hate”).

In the monologue, Bill Maher noted that Exxon-Mobil’s quarterly profit was $8.4 billion, “and there’s still no toilet paper in the bathroom.” He said that that was such an obscene amount that “the Republicans didn’t know whether to launch an investigation or masturbate.” And to show the White House’s efforts at energy efficiency, “the smoke that comes out of Bush’s ass is now clean-burning ethanol.” As for Dubya, “I’m beginning to think he’s not that bright – he wants to see the movie ‘Flight 93’ but he doesn’t want anyone to tell him the ending.” Concerning the flap over the Spanish version of The Star-Spangled Banner, Maher said, “I don’t care. I just don’t want the Mexicans to play it on their car horn.” He also mentioned “Operation Falcon” which is apparently rounding up “sex fiends” and stated that, between that and the rallies against Mexicans, “it was a bad week for Charlie Sheen.”

George Clooney then appeared via satellite, pointing out that he just got back from Darfur. Maher said, “What should we know?” and Clooney said, “there is real genocide going on…state-sponsored murder,” mentioning that he was motivated to do something after reading Nicholas Kristof and Samantha Power. Maher asked, “What can we do?” and Clooney said, “Our government and military are doing a little…we need to prop up the African Union (I believe Danny Glover said the same thing a couple of months ago),” with Clooney noting that 2 million of the 6 million people in that area have been “bombed out of their homes.” Maher asked, “Why can’t we bomb the area like we did in Kosovo” in an effort to end the genocide, and Clooney said that a better alternative is to put pressure on China and Russia in the U.N. to stop blocking the Security Council votes that would increase diplomatic pressure on those responsible (the “janjaweed,” I believe). Maher asked if racism was a factor in the reason why there isn’t more coverage, and Clooney said, “A little. If it got a tenth of the coverage of the Natalee Holloway case, for example…” Maher said that he thought people such as Clooney, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are making “a wise use of celebrity” by attracting attention to their causes, and Clooney said, “we don’t want to turn around 10 years from now and wonder ‘what the hell were we thinking?’” Maher then mentioned a bunch of stars who are conservative and a bunch of stars who are liberal, and asked, “I don’t know if being liberal makes you right, but does it make you more talented?” and Clooney laughed and chalked it up to “natural selection.” When Maher asked him for advice for the Democrats, Clooney said quite simply, “Have a position.”

(By the way, I was wondering if Maher would be impolite enough to ask Clooney about the dustup he had with Arianna Huffington recently over whether or not Clooney wrote a blog, but he didn’t. I knew it was a longshot.)

The panel guests were Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts, actor Sir Ian McKellen (who apparently is going to be in the movie “The DaVinci Code,” playing Teabing I’m sure), and journalist Michelle Martin.

The discussion started out on the price of gas, and McKellen said that “in the UK, gas taxes go to public transit, and in this country, they go to Exxon-Mobil,” with McKellen noting that more people should be walking and riding bikes. Though I agree with that sentiment, Frank correctly (I thought) pointed out that “people were encouraged to live 40 miles away from work. We shouldn’t punish these people (by telling them all to live closer to their jobs…which isn’t practical anyway). The answer is to tax the extraordinary oil profits, temporarily suspend the gas tax, and get serious on conservation.” Martin said that “Bush had a policy, and it was to drill in the ANWR” (I think she was being serious). Maher said, “The Republicans look at the mess they’ve created and say, ‘someone should fix this’.” Frank pointed out that there has been a major fight over conservation since the Carter Administration between the Democrats and the Republicans, and McKellen said, “The gas is running out. That’s the news. In my home in London, I have solar panels that I use to generate electricity, and sell it back to the power company. Why can’t the U.S. do that?” (excellent question).

Concerning the immigration issue, Maher asked, “Why can’t we crack down on the businesses who hire the illegals?” and Frank said “We (Congress) are talking about this…we are and we aren’t…many of the conservatives who are now screaming tried to dissuade law enforcement authorities because there was no reliable form of ID.” Martin added that “it went on the backburner because of 9/11…it was an irritant to Mexico,” with Frank noting that “The Republicans are divided on this issue. Maher said that “Bush’s ‘guest worker’ program derides citizenship…’welcome to my house, now clean my bathroom’.” Martin blamed the Democrats for not talking about this issue earlier because “it has a net effect on wages,” which I think was a curious thing for her to say since the Democrats have been trying to get the minimum wage increased for years (and I believe Maher pointed that out in the “back and forth” that went on). Frank said “We should get rid of the guest worker program, legalize as many workers as we can and raise the minimum wage” (I hope that man serves forever…every word out of his mouth made sense).

Maher then discussed CEO compensation, citing the usual horrible stats of how their compensation has gone up against that of the rest of the workforce (some usurious level like 500 percent or something), and Frank said, “Bush can’t understand why he doesn’t get more credit for the economy (almost too funny for words)…he says the economy is doing well; gross domestic product is up but so is economic inequality. It’s a real economic misallocation of resources.” Martin then asked, “Why are 40-60 million people without health care? Why don’t we focus on that instead?” and Maher asked, “Don’t you think those two issues are connected?” Frank then pointed out that he filed a bill (HR 4291) about executive compensation that stated that those figures should be published.

Concerning the appointment of Tony Snow as White House press secretary, Maher said Scott McClellan stepped down “because he wanted to look sweaty and uncomfortable at home.” Maher got in a bit of a good word for Snow since Snow had appeared on the show before, though Maher pointed out that Snow referred to Bush as “impotent” and “an embarrassment,” and that led into a funny video segment of Maher’s supposed audition for the job of White House press secretary.

Everything was going fine up to this point.

I read from the HBO site that Maher was going to interview Victor Davis Hanson about his new book (something to do with man’s eternal conflict or something…to be honest with you, I don’t remember the title, and I don’t care), and I had my fingers crossed because he is one of the chief apologists for the Iraq debacle, with Maher commenting on Hanson’s friendship with Dick Cheney and saying that, “Cheney liked your book so much, he turned it into a war” (and of course, Hanson sat there stone faced when Maher said that). Hanson eventually replied and said, “War is the nature of man, but so is the Democratic process.” It started to go bad when Hanson (who kind of reminded me of Francis Dolarhyde in the movie “Red Dragon”) said, “Cheney had no desire to go to war (actually funny to hear Hanson say that with no acknowledgement of Dubya, who is supposed to be running things of course), but he was confronted by Saddam Hussein in a post-9/11 world.” Maher then went after Hanson to his credit, pointing out all of the trouble spots in the world and saying, “I never understood that (re: why we had to intervene militarily in Iraq but nowhere else), but this week Iraq got a new leader, and nothing on the ground changed.” Hanson replied something to the effect that, in this war, there have been ebbs and flows and changes in leadership not unlike during the battles of Cold Harbor and The Wilderness in The Civil War, and at that point, I got so disgusted I shut the TV off again (again, not because of Maher).

Some may think I’m being thin skinned, but I’m sorry. I quite simply am not going to waste my time listening to freeper garbage trying to justify the debacle in Iraq any more. The week before, Heather Higgins compared it to The Battle Of The Bulge in World War II (the Nazis “last throes,” if you will). This week, Hanson compared it to The Civil War.

THERE IS NO PRECEDENT IN THIS COUNTRY’S HISTORY FOR WHAT HAS GONE ON AND IS GOING ON IN IRAQ. NONE. NADA! ZIP! ZERO!!

Besides, I’m sitting there watching Hansen spout this garbage, and I’m thinking, you know, YOU look like a reasonably fit man. Why don’t YOU go over to Falluja or Mosul or some other God-forsaken outpost in Iraq with a gun and not enough armor and try to stay alive, and THEN come back home and write a book about it?

The show was generally entertaining, and I could have easily listened to the panelists for another hour. Maybe I will again someday.