Say It Ain't So, Scottie

I’d heard rumors about this for a little while now, as have you I’m sure, but as is usually the case, it’s hard to accept the reality when it hits you in the face.

So, apparently, Tony Snow is being considered as a replacement. I’m glad he seems to be recovering OK, and he should be a good fit if he accepts it because he’s a world-class liar also.

Update: The Political Wire link came from a friend of mine, as did this.

The REAL reasons why Scottie stepped down:

- Wants to spend more time with his family: James Frey, Jayson Blair, and Stephen Glass.

- So many of his pairs of pants have inexplicably burst into flame that it has become virtually impossible to get dressed in the morning.

- Chronic motion sickness from excessive spinning.

- Suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder due to tough questioning from Helen Thomas.

- There has been so much "good news" coming out of Iraq that the White House decided it is completely unnecessary to have a press staff.

- Policy of not commenting on "ongoing investigations" has made it virtually impossible for him to comment on anything anymore.

- New job: Washington Post Ombudsman.

- Can't handle the constant barrage of hardball questions from the White House Press Corps. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Just kidding.

- Disregarded advice of commanders who said a larger military force was necessary for successful invasion and occupation of Iraq; failed to plan for post-invasion occupation; personally supervised torture of detainee(s) at Guantanamo Bay; arrogant and imperious; recently was the object of unprecedented public criticism from six highly respected former generals. Considering this appalling record of failure, it is surprising it took this long for him to lose the confidence of the Commander in Chief. (Now, wait a second...)

- Mastered "lies" and "damned lies" but still struggling with "statistics."

- Finally grew a conscience.

- It's the only way he could get out of upcoming hunting trip with vice president.

- Wants to investigate whether it is possible to do other things "like a rug."

- Breaks into cold sweat when he thinks about trying to explain upcoming Iran War.

- Hoping for cushy job in a) Jack Abramoff's lobbying firm, b) Tom DeLay's office, c) Duke Cunningham's office, d) Katherine Harris's senate campaign, e) Scooter Libby's office, or f) any place that will hire him (correct answer is f).

- The job just hasn't been the same since Jeff Gannon left the White House Press Corps.

- Considering the fact that the Bush administration has been such a huge success and has done so many awesome things to make this country great, the only possible explanation for the president's low poll numbers is poor performance by White House press secretary.

- The rats are abandoning ship.

So, that means it’s time to relive some golden McClellan moments (and how exactly again is this a demotion for Karl Rove, assuming that would ever happen anyway in this administration?).