Funny As A Rubber Crutch

Since I spend so little time any more trying to find anything newsworthy in The Philadelphia Inquirer, I almost missed this attempt at humor that they published yesterday from Andy Borowitz, conservative comedian (which, to me, is an oxymoron if one ever existed, because these people are never humorous in an intentional way).

Actually, in a way, I wish I had missed this column.

It’s supposed to be about a gathering of terrorists including bin Laden giving something like a “State of the Jihad” speech, with terrorists mimicking Dubya and Congress in their words and behavior.

And by the way, Borowitz sticks in the obligatory jab at John Kerry at the very end, as you’ll see.

Al-Qaeda terror mastermind Osama bin Laden delivered his annual State of the Jihad address last night and immediately faced criticism that the speech was short on specifics and little more than a laundry list of vague threats.

Speaking from his cave in an undisclosed location in the mountainous region between Pakistan and Afghanistan, the world's most wanted man began his address with an upbeat assessment of the global jihad against the infidels.

"Friends, terrorists, extremists and madmen," bin Laden began. "The state of the jihad is strong."

The al-Qaeda leader's 50-minute address was interrupted by applause at least 35 times, usually when bin Laden punctuated his remarks by saying, "Death to America."

Bin Laden sounded themes that were familiar to audiences of previous State of the Jihad addresses, such as his warning that "al-Qaeda must become less dependent on foreign sources of chaos."

As is his tradition, he also used the address to acknowledge several "heroes of the jihad," including one terrorist, Sheikh Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, who risked his life by pulling another terrorist out of the path of a charging donkey.

But the al-Qaeda kingpin was in for some blistering criticism in the official response to the State of the Jihad address, which this year was delivered by opposition lunatic Hassan al-Medfaii.

"What we heard tonight was little more than 'stay the course,' " said Medfaii. "As a madman, I had to ask, 'Where's the beef?' "

Elsewhere, Sen. John Kerry (D., Mass.) bowed out of the 2008 presidential race, stating, "I decided to run for president before I decided against it."

This isn’t funny, and my reaction really doesn’t have anything to do with politics.

I firmly believe that someone who is Democratic/liberal/progressive/whatever would have enough common sense to know not to write something like this.

If Borowitz or others of his ilk had the slightest clue as to what our thoughts, feelings and prayers are all about concerning that awful day forever burned into our consciousness, he would know that there will never, never be anything funny about Osama bin Laden and his fellow terrorist cowards who perpetrated these monstrous acts while what passed for our political leadership slept.

By concocting this sick, unfunny joke, Borowitz has confirmed for all time that he will never understand what 9/11 was all about, since he believes it is just an excuse to make political points of some fashion and nothing more than that.

And given the fact that the Inquirer saw fit to publish this crap, how interesting it is to learn today that Smerky himself will be writing a column for the Inquirer, yet the next step in the de-evolution of this once rightly proud newspaper (he already has a soapbox for the Daily News, so I guess it made ideological and financial sense to do this).

Smerconish has given generously to the 9/11 Memorial Garden in Lower Makefield, for which he deserves a lot of credit. I believe he is sincere in trying to provide help for the family members of the victims of the attacks.

In his very first column, then, Smerconish should slap down Borowitz for this insult and the publishers of the Inquirer for allowing it space in their newspaper. I disagree with Smerconish on practically everything, but unlike Borowitz ever will, I think he understands what is fair comment concerning that tragic day and what isn’t.

Update: After doing some minimal investigation, it turns out that Borowitz has appeared on CNN and NPR and has written for the New York Times and The New Yorker (I've never seen his work appear in either publication, but I'm not disputing that claim). Apparently, he's not a conservative per se, but on this occasion, he certainly wasn't a comedian either.