Bucks County, PA's Big Mouth "Speaks"

I try really hard to avoid J.D. Mullane, a metro columnist for the Bucks County Courier Times, but unfortunately, the paper does a good job of putting his column in a strategic location where it is almost impossible to avoid it.

I have many problems with him, chief of which is that he is a Repug cheerleader of utterly bald-faced partisanship. I should point out, though, that he has written some fine columns about Bucks County people, places and history. He should stick to that subject matter, but as you can read below, he actually tries to comment about matters about which he does not know nearly as much as he thinks he does.

"So, Warmonger, When Do You Enlist?" (today’s column title)

Last week, I attended Cindy Sheehan's "Bring Them Home Now!" tour at the George School campus and found that it was a yawner, dulled by a litany of Vietnam-war era anti-war bromides.

This is typical for Mullane. He gives us no insight into who spoke or attended or any information about the tour - I'll acknowledge, though, that I didn't read an earlier column in which he may have gotten into that. And by the way, the "bromides" are timely again - some of them - because of Bushco's greed, arrogance, and stupidity.

Just to digress briefly – when U.S. Rep. Mike Fitzpatrick won the election last year, Mullane dutifully followed him around for a couple of columns and reported on every single little thing that he did, obviously awed by him true to lap dog form. Yep, Mullane sure is objective all right.

This observation sent anti-warriors to the PCs to bang out e-mails ripping me a new foxhole into which they would dearly love to see me dropped, ideally in the middle of the Sunni Triangle.

A play for pity: typical. “Oh, help me, I’m a persecuted, misunderstood conservative.” And people with your sympathies NEVER do this sort of thing also, do they? Please.

Lookee here:

"If you believe America is worth dying for, why don't you enlist, grab a rifle and fight? That's the challenge that every pro-war person should be given. If you are too old, send your kid, or your sister..."

And here:

"If America is worth dying for in the case of the Iraq war, why aren't you over there fighting right now? And do you encourage your family members and friends to enlist?"

It's a legit question, especially for pro-war pols, press pundits, and the loudmouth at the end of the bar.

And how exactly again are you different from them anyway?

In fact, it's a question that war supporters shouldn't dodge. Why be Clintonesque on a crucial issue like Iraq?

True to form, Mullane has to find a way to insult a minimum of four Democrats per column, or else he feels like he isn't doing his job. I think he meets that quota in this one.

So let me tell you how it is with me.

When Jimmy Carter was president, the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan. This was 1979-1980, terrible years for America. Communist expansionism. Hostages in Iran. Double-digit inflation. "Malaise."

That's two Dems so far - actually, he's right about 1980: Reagan was elected, and John Lennon was murdered. And the Communists continue to remain a threat to peace in our time, as we know :- )

I could do the same trite exercise for Ronnie Baby and Dubya, J.D. Iran-Contra. Marines killed in Lebanon bombing (243). Brutal early ‘80s recession. 9/11. Iraq War II. Enron.

Carter did have problems as a President, though – I’ll have to admit that. But since he was a Democrat, he didn’t get any credit for accomplishments either, including the Panama Canal Treaty or the Camp David Accords.

Many thought the United States was through.

"Many?" As in who, exactly? Oh, I guess you mean your fellow travelers at "Moving America Forward" and "Free Republic." Oh, I see now.

Carter, a bit of a wimp, copped an awkward tough guy act and ordered me and every other 19-year-old male in the country to register for a military draft pool, which had been in a deep freeze since the protest days of Vietnam. No big deal to me.

By the way, J.D., did you know that this "wimp" had the second-longest career in military service with the Navy behind Ike among all presidents from 1950-2000?

Being the grandson of a war hero and the son of a World War II GI, my attitude is probably that of working and middle-class Americans: If you are called to service, you serve. Just like those before you.

As I've pointed out before, I am the son of a World War II GI also, for what it's worth. Also, notice how Mullane plays the “class” card, though, in other columns, he has railed against the Dems for doing that.

Meanwhile, you get on with business at home.

I went to register at the post office but first had to get past a group of anti-war activists who had set up a pamphlet-laden table outside.

This is totally within their rights if they have received a permit to do so.

There was a hippie-type dude with a ponytail, bitterly recalling his Vietnam experiences.

See, this is where I have to explain again. Mullane reduces anyone from "the left" to nothing but caricature. God forbid he should give these people any depth or bother to learn about them, or else they would seem real and credible or – gulp – possibly even correct. I would assume that this person is a veteran, but because he is a "hippie-type dude," Mullane can't possibly give that guy that level of respect.

As an example of Mullane’s “reporting,” he and fellow metro columnist Kate Fratti were assigned to cover the Repug National Hatefest in NYC last year. Mullane wrote about how he was spat upon and verbally abused by unkempt, bad-mannered and filthy demonstrators, whereas Fratti actually went to the trouble to talk to these people, learn more about them, and try to understand their position.

An old guy in a huge straw sun hat talked to me about the "100th Monkey" theory of social change.

Monkey what?

Oh, ha ha...so clever you are, JD!

War solves nothing, he said.

What about the Revolution? What about World War II? I asked.

The hippie dude and the straw hat guy couldn't decide.

What powerful, in-depth analysis, JD! Your inquisitive journalistic instincts were doubtless absent again on this occasion. By the way, this is all a setup to a bigger "slam" coming later, as further evidence of Mullane's supposed cleverness.

Actually, J.D. (assuming you will ever actually read this, and I admit there isn’t much chance of that), there’s a link on this page to a guy named W.D. Ehrhart under “Great Writers.” He’s a Vietnam veteran who has written some great stuff about his experiences. Why don’t you check him out when you take a break from watching Fox and listening to Flush Lim-Bore?

As they jaw-jawed this, I went in and registered. I was on my lunch break. Unlike some people, I had a time card to punch.

And how do you know "the hippie dude and straw hat guy" didn't have jobs themselves? Are you clairvoyant now also?

My attitude remains the same as it was at 19. If called, I'll serve - even at 44.

Meanwhile, I get on with my business at home.

As for my kids, they can decide for themselves.

Assuming the politicians don't try to bring back the draft, which they may try to do now because your boy Dubya has depleted our forces so badly because of his illegal war and abuse of our Guard forces.

But at ages 5, 4, and 3, we are still working on tying shoelaces and eating at the table without food dropping on the floor.

But why ask me, an obscure columnist?

Why not ask the congressional leaders who control national policy and war funding?

Get ready for the slam.

Has anyone queried Sen. Hillary Clinton to see if she’s encouraged daughter Chelsea to enlist? Sen. Clinton voted for the war and is a hawk on Iraq.

There’s a difference between “supporting the war,” and “being a ‘hawk’ on it,” but I don’t expect you to point that out because it wouldn’t suit your Democrat-smearing purposes, would it?

How about Sen. John Kerry? He voted for the war, too. Has he encouraged his daughters, Vanessa and Alexandra, to pick up machine guns and help out in Fallujah?

Ask them. My guess is that you’ll get a lot of dodgey jaw-jaw.

Bravo, J.D.! Well played indeed, and you even met your quota of “attacked Democrats per column.” You effectively blur the line between those who stupidly supported Dubya because they actually believed him and thought he knew what he was doing (Clinton and Kerry) and those who rabidly cheered and shouted for war (Dubya and his administration, any red-state Repug and many blue state ones, etc.).

As far as I’m concerned, you’re a charter member of the right-wing fourth-estate freak show, posing as the journalistic equivalent of the dog-faced boy. May you someday be rudely awakened to your culpability for practicing your dark art.