An Obama Campaign Crisis

I stuck with the one-term senator from Illinois despite what was apparently a brushoff of John and Elizabeth Edwards over whether or not his health insurance proposals would cover all Americans (here). I kept quiet when I heard of the last-minute robocalls in New Hampshire earlier this year (somewhat fair, though, as a response to the “Insult-40-States Express,” I’ll grant you). And to me, the Reverend Wright thing isn’t as big of a deal as John Hagee calling the Catholic Church “the great whore” and Rod Parsley spewing gay hatred all over the place. And I bit my lip and said nothing when he praised The Sainted Ronnie R.

But Senator Barack Obama, I must tell you that my faith in your campaign is now shaken. And I know a lot of other people have beaten me to it on this, but I have to weigh in.

This story (under the oxymoronic banner of “Political Intelligence”) tells us that Obama visited an Altoona, Pa. bowling alley – and bowled a seven-frame score of 37.

A 37?? The young one can bowl a 37 without the benefit of gutter guards!

Well then, while keeping in mind your song parody written for The Gridiron Club on March 11, 2006 (what is it with Washington and these self-celebratory dinners and snobby gatherings…probably embedded with each other the same way that puke-green coloring is embedded in lima beans, I guess), back when you wanted to work with “Straight Talk” McCain on campaign finance reform, I’d like to offer the following (to the tune of “If I Only Had A Brain,” from “The Wizard Of Oz”)…

With the Clintons, ever cheatin’, for the White House we’re competin’
For votes from everywhere
And the bowlers I’d be wooin’ if I knew what I was doin’
And I’d only make a spare (a bowling thing, for the uninitiated)

For a sympathetic tally, I’d wind up in the alley
And toss the ball with flair
I would never be regrettin’ if the pins were all resetting
While I’d only make a spare

Dick Weber would be proud; my name would be a hit
Engraved on my shirt of poly knit
While I knock down that “seven-and-ten” split

And the junk food I’d be gnoshin’, with brewskis I’d be washin’
Down such gross blue-collar fare
Up the PA polls I’d rocket with their votes all in my pocket
If I’d only make a spare

And don’t worry, I won’t comment about what it truly means that some will actually base their votes in this sad display by an otherwise very worthy candidate.

Update 4/5/08: I was only joking of course, but apparently, our dear corporate media cousins were serious.