The show started with a really funny commercial parody of Dick Cheney as some kind of gangsta rap star (“First Tupac, Then Biggie, And Now…Cheney!”) with lots of ‘bling and supermodels on each arm, with Cheney decked out appropriately.
Bill Maher led right into the shooting, of course, and noted that Harry Whittington “was in good condition…a little gamey, but still moist.” Cheney, Maher noted, had said that he felt terrible about shooting the 78-year-old attorney, “but at least now, he had some new ideas about fixing Social Security.” Also, with Whittington’s apology, Maher said, “That’s one loyal Republican. He even referred to the buckshot in his face as ‘a thousand points of light’.”
Maher also commented on a particularly unctuous, scripted pseudo-campaign event that Dubya attended where everyone in attendance fawned over him, and said “At least when Clinton got blown, it was behind closed doors.” Also, “Britney Spears is going to Mardi Gras. She can’t wait to strap her baby on the front of a float.”
The first guest to appear via remote was Russ Feingold, and when Maher asked him why he decided not to sign The Patriot Act and filibuster it instead, Feingold said, “because I read it,” though he noted that “a lot of provisions were reasonable, but library records can still be checked, but we couldn’t do anything about it” (my note: as always, thank you red state voters!). Regarding the NSA wiretaps, Feingold said he thought “it was one of the biggest scams that has ever occurred. I don’t think there’s proof at all (that they’ve worked). Bush should be accountable and apologize.”
Regarding the issue of selling control of six of our ports to Dubai Port World (including Philadelphia), Feingold said,
“Literally, this is the gang that can’t shoot straight, as we saw this week (snark). Here’s a group in this White House that couldn’t catch bin Laden, that can’t get al Zarqawi, for the second time the people that blew up the U.S.S. Cole have escaped in Yemen…they’re focusing on Iraq to the exclusion of 59 other countries where al Qaeda is attacking, and now they want to have countries with questionable contacts in charge of port security. We (the Democrats) are the party to fight this terrorism fight correctly. It’s Bush that has messed it up.”When asked if the McCain-Feingold legislation did any good, Feingold said yes, stating that a single individual could make huge a campaign donation the next day to someone running for office, and you can’t do that now. Feingold said that they’re working on trying to close the tax loopholes with the 527s (good luck there), but ideally he’d like to see all political campaigns publicly financed. Feingold also said (in response to a Maher question about the environment) that the Democrats “have to be good on all of the issues” and that we have to find a way to undercut the ability of the Republicans to intimidate them (I admire Feingold’s honesty, but it was still pathetic to hear that).
The panelists were Dan Senor (conservative apologist), Helen Thomas (legendary White House correspondent) and Eddie Griffin (comedian/actor). Thomas said that Cheney “should show some remorse…and more feeling about sending people to war,” and though I agree with that sentiment (which we will never see from him, of course), it was a shot right out of the gate, so to speak. Senor said that Cheney “should have come out earlier on this issue also,” and then quickly blamed the White House press corps for asking 140 (?) questions on this but only one on Iran and one on Darfur the day the Cheney story broke (Thomas quickly replied that the Cheney shooting “was news,” which is correct…see, the “theme” topics for the White House that day were Iran and Darfur, and Senor was peeved because the press didn’t play along, much like the way they didn't play along when Clinton sat with heads of state and the press kept asking him about Ken Starr and Monica Whatsername). Maher said that this probably was a good week for something like this to happen with Cheney and dominate the news coverage, since the Congressional inquiry looking into the fallout from Katrina released its report, which definitely put the Bush Administration in a bad light, to say the least. Eddie Griffin made the comment that he wanted to see more “follow up” on stories, which, though a good point, wasn’t really relevant at that moment.
Maher mentioned the “money grabs” going on regarding the Katrina and Iraq reconstruction, mentioning that Halliburton “has lost $9 billion…stacks of $100 bills in wheelbarrows – how does this go on?,” and Senor pointed out that he had been over in Iraq for 15 months (weeks? Have to check), and he said something to the effect that the goal was to get the money into the hands of the Iraqis as quickly as possible, blaming Saddam Hussein’s “third-world accounting methods.”
As I listened to this crap, I thought to myself, “I don’t care what type of accounting methods were used! All of this is MY MONEY AS A TAXPAYER, AND I WANT ALL OF IT ACCOUNTED FOR!! I’M SICK OF HEARING THESE LAME ASS EXCUSES FOR ALL OF THE FRAUD GOING ON!!” And of course, Senor (who was actually decent for a Repug in this show…he was a lot more obnoxious when I saw him on a satellite feed last year on one show, with Helen Thomas jumping down his throat more often than he did with her) immediately backpedaled and said, “I’m not making excuses for the fraud, but just trying to explain the situation” (riiiiight).
Eddie Griffin then said, “Can I make a simple suggestion? Let’s let the Iraqis fix their own country, and we can just go get bin Laden.” (amen…and by the way, isn’t it interesting that we don’t hear from this guy for months, but suddenly he’s all over the place in an election year? Just wondering…). The crowd definitely responded to that, and Senor got a look on his face like he’d just eaten a bug (Senor was trying to joke with Griffin most of the night, which is progress of a sort I guess). Senor responded to Griffin saying, “If we leave before the Iraqis are ready, we’ll feel the pain in this country,” to which I thought, “Bullshit! We’re feeling pain ALREADY, and HAVE BEEN FOR AWHILE!”
Maher pointed out that “our defense budget is bigger than 18 other countries. Should we be tapped out so early? When the president says invading Iran is ‘on the table,’ no one should be snickering,” and there was a lot of back-and-forth chatter that I couldn’t quite get. Maher also said, “Isn’t it racist to assume that India and Pakistan will automatically blow themselves up if they get the bomb, even though we lived with the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction with the Russians for years?,” and Thomas agreed and said, “They’re going to get the bomb. India, Pakistan and Israel should all sign the non-proliferation treaty, and we should allow inspections also.” Maher then made comments about the military loosening recruitment standards that led into a comedy bit with new recruiting posters which was a little amusing, but actually had some stuff that made me wince a bit.
Fred Barnes of The Weekly Standard appeared next via satellite, and I really don’t understand why Maher let him show up and hawk his new book, which apparently is some kind of wet dream gushing all over the place about how great Barnes thinks Dubya is. Aside from putting on some weight and acquiring some grayish/white hair, I could see quickly that Barnes remained the same odious, pugnacious sycophant that he was when I would stupidly subject myself to his act on “Dr. McLaughlin’s Gong Show” many years ago, when Barnes made a living out of trying to hoot down Jack Germond, Eleanor Clift, Morton Kondracke, Clarence Page, the late, great Bob Maynard, and other journalists who were better than Barnes would ever be, all under John McLaughlin’s approving, glazed-over and slightly deranged countenance.
Maher started by asking Barnes, “Who is Bush rebelling against” (see, the cover of the book shows Bush standing in his flight suit looking like a faux military leader, like the faux president that he generally is anyway, photographed to make Bush look like his towering over something…toe fungus, perhaps…and the title has something to do with Bush rebelling against something – common sense, I suppose). Barnes replied:
"Rebelling against Washington. Rebelling against the conventional wisdom in politics. Rebelling against the foreign policy community. Rebelling against the political community in Washington. And rebelling against traditional conservatism. All those things."To which Maher replied with a decidedly unconvinced, “Uh huh.” Maher then lists all of the humongous budgets that Bush has approved and then asked Barnes if he though this was typical for a conservative, and Barnes replied, “He’s not a small-government conservative,” which made me remember how truly well Barnes can tap dance with the best of them, having spent, as I alluded to earlier, more Sundays than I care to remember listening to Barnes and Pat Buchanan screaming about Clinton and “big government.” Maher then asked Barnes “Bush’s claim that he can do anything…doesn’t that typically go against conservatism? (meaning the wiretapping in particular)” and Barnes replied, “He’s a president in wartime, and the Constitution says it’s OK for him to wiretap” (maybe it says that in the Iraqi constitution, I thought to myself). Maher then asked Barnes something about Bush’s supposed “spiritual life” (though again, Dubya practices no brand of “spirituality” I’m familiar with), and Barnes said “it’s influenced Bush’s crusade for Democracy around the world,” an extremely poor choice of words on Barnes’ part that made me cringe (and didn’t bring any hoots from the audience, amazingly enough – none that I heard anyway). Maher concluded by asking “Doesn’t it go against conservative philosophy to proclaim about God?” and by this time, I’m thinking “Bill, give it up. Barnes isn’t going to bite on any of this,” and Barnes said something to the effect that Clinton talked about God more than Bush, which I highly dispute as more Barnes bullshit, aside from the fact that it didn’t answer Maher’s question anyway.
Returning to the panel discussion, Dan Senor asked Helen Thomas (in response to some back-and-forth), “Aren’t the Iraqi elections a good thing” (the Repugs will be falling back to this talking point forever, even as the whole country descends into Muslim fundamentalism), and Thomas said, “Not at the price of our invasion,” with Maher noting that “the Shiite militias are winning…nobody’s waving any flags.” Turning to the story about the NASA scientist whose findings were censored by some zombie fundamentalist Bush quisling, Maher said, “We criticize Muslims for a cartoon, but aren’t we medieval also when we try to hush up NASA scientists on global warming?” Helen Thomas said, “I’m not for censorship,” trying to get Senor to respond on that, though Senor didn’t take the bait and replied, correctly I think, that “the Iranians and Syrians are stoking the fires.” At that point, Eddie Griffin – who, basically, had been going off on tangents the whole show and coming up with these little monologues of his which were a little amusing but also a little odd – actually came up with (I thought) the best comment of the night:
“There’s a difference in cultures (U.S. vs. the Middle East), a difference in process, a difference in beliefs…If we want peace in the Middle East, we have to go where they’re at, not where we’re at.”There were also some remarks about the Olympics that I didn’t care about (I think Bryant Gumbel said something stupid again) before Maher led into “New Rules”.
(gee, I’m glad I only summarized everything…)
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