As I thought of this, I was visited by the muse…
(jazz saxophone plays slow, steady melody in the background along with 70s-era “wah wah” guitar…)
(Establishment shot)
Scene: A suburban home in an affluent bedroom community. A tall, willowy blonde stands over a kitchen sink washing dishes with a skewering pad. As she does so, the steam slowly rises in front of her. She purses her lips and closes her eyes, lifting her head up slightly as she takes a deep breath. At that moment, the doorbell rings, and she opens her eyes quickly as if startled awake.
She then struts slowly over to answer the door, wearing her black Manolo Blahnik inch-high pumps and form-fitting black negligee to accentuate the enticing curves of her body. Except for bra and panties, this is all she is wearing.
She opens the door and a tall, handsome gentleman with a black suit and a clipboard awaits her. He opens his mouth to say hello, but stops momentarily, frozen as he gazes upon this gorgeous creature.
(Mid close-ups)
“Good…good morning m’am,” he finally says. “I work for USA Next, an affiliate organization of the Republican National Committee, and I was wondering if I could take a few minutes of your time for some questions.”
“Why..ooh,” she coos, tossing her long hair over her shoulder, “I guess I could…answer some questions, sure. But…well,” she smiles, “I really don’t follow politics much. I let my husband take care of that.”
“Oh,” the man says with a trace of disappointment. “Well, then, can I speak with him?”
“Oh, he’s gone to work,” she says sadly with a pouty expression, looking down for a moment, then back up again, gazing into the man’s eyes. “I’m here by myself,” she purrs.
The man smiles slowly and steps forward. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” he says quietly but disingenuously. “Of course, if Congress had acted sooner on the President’s plan for tax relief,” he says, reaching out to stroke her neck, “he would have been able to keep more of your money and not have to work so much, and he would be home with you now,” as he slowly wraps his arm around her waist.
(music gets slowly louder…)
“Oh,” the woman sighs, turning her head away from the man as he leans forward to kiss her neck, “it thrilled me to hear the President’s plan for tax code reform and easing restrictions on relief. I’m completely in favor of lowering barriers.” As she whispers enticingly, she brings her hand up across his back.
(Tight close ups…both of them pull back slightly)
“What’s your name?,” the woman asks, slowly stroking the back of his neck as she gazes deeply into his eyes.
“Hanging Chad,” he answers, smirking slightly as he cups his hand on her hip.
“I’m Mary Missionary,” she whispers. “Family values…make me hot!”
“I loved the plan to reduce the marriage penalty!,” the man says loudly, finally dropping the clipboard as he unties the sash of her negligee, opening it. He then leans forward once more, burying his head against her neck as he kisses her.
“And…unh!,” the woman calls out as he pulls her forcefully towards him, kissing her all around her neck and starting to lower himself against her, “no…more….death…tax!”
(music still louder…)
“The President thinks you’re a great American!,” the man calls out again as they both sink to the floor and begin to further undress themselves. “Our freedom is on the march!”
“GROVER NORQUIST IS MY DADDY!,” the woman screams out as the man climbs atop her and they begin to engorge themselves in carnal bliss.
(dag…anybody have a cigarette?)
(A transcript can be delivered to you in a brown paper wrapper. Act now on our limited-time-only $39.95 offer.)
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