Hey Everybody, It’s Time For Bill Orally’s “Obamathon”!

After reading this article, I don’t know what makes my skin crawl more: the almost laughable pretense of Fix Noise’s premier talking head as a modern-day fabulist, or his immediate proximity to so many kids as seen in the photo (and by the way, I also posted here).

Let’s get right to it, shall we…

While high-tech can be a tremendous educational tool, explicit images and conversation easily found in cyberspace can rob children of their innocence and, in some cases, put them in actual danger. Even if parents are vigilant in monitoring the machines, kids can still get the bad stuff at school and on the playgrounds, as computer access is just about everywhere.

“Explicit images” and “bad stuff” like this, maybe (here)?...

OCTOBER 13--Hours after Bill O'Reilly accused her of a multimillion dollar shakedown attempt, a female Fox News producer fired back at the TV star today, filing a lawsuit claiming that he subjected her to repeated instances of sexual harassment and spoke often, and explicitly, to her about phone sex, vibrators, threesomes, masturbation, the loss of his virginity, and sexual fantasies.

Continuing…

The disruption of the traditional American family is also adversely affecting millions of children. Right now, almost 22 million American kids are living with one parent; more than 80% of those are being raised primarily by Mom. Just 50 years ago, a child living without a father was somewhat of a rarity. Now it’s an epidemic.

Jeremy Glick doesn’t have a father either, Bill. At least, he doesn’t any more; he died on 9/11.

You remember Jeremy Glick, don’t you, Bill? Here is a transcript of your last conversation with him…

O'Reilly: "Shut up. Shut up."
Jeremy Glick: "Oh, please don't tell me to shut up."
O'Reilly: "As respect—as respect—in respect for your father, who was a Port Authority worker, a fine American, who got killed unnecessarily by barbarians—"
Glick: "By radical extremists who were trained by this government—"
O'Reilly: "Out of respect for him—"
Glick: "—not the people of America."
O'Reilly: "—I'm not going to—"
Glick: "—the people of the ruling class, the small minority."
O'Reilly: "Cut his mic. I'm not going to dress you down anymore, out of respect for your father. We will be back in a moment with more of The Factor."
Glick: "That means we're done?"
O'Reilly: "We're done."

Continuing…

Thus, our modern age presents vast challenges to children, and they need to learn lessons quickly in order to prosper. And who better to teach them than the President of the United States?

I have to admit that Bill is being surprisingly deferential to a guy who, as noted here, suffers from a “lack of religion,” and is a “secularist” who rejects public spirituality, as O’Reilly puts is.

Billo then goes on to recount some of President Obama’s personal history, telling us the following…

As for his absent father, the President says the void he left motivated him to succeed. So, it is obvious that he is not wallowing in past pain. He does not harbor bitterness toward his parents. Instead, he accepted his situation and saw it as a challenge. He forgave his folks and embraced a positive outlook.

Even though I don’t believe he needed to seek it, how about “forgiveness” for Dr. George Tiller, you clown?

Continuing…

Even though his mom and dad apparently put their needs ahead of his, he speaks of them in mostly affectionate terms. He finds a way not to demean them.

Typical arrogance from O’Reilly to presume to speak for another person’s parent whom he never met (though I grudgingly admit that he’s partly right, but only a bit); as this article in Time from April 2008 tells us…

"She cried a lot," says her daughter Maya Soetoro-Ng, "if she saw animals being treated cruelly or children in the news or a sad movie—or if she felt like she wasn't being understood in a conversation." And yet she was fearless, says Soetoro-Ng. "She was very capable. She went out on the back of a motorcycle and did rigorous fieldwork. Her research was responsible and penetrating. She saw the heart of a problem, and she knew whom to hold accountable."
…

Ironically, the person who mattered most in Obama's life is the one we know the least about—maybe because being partly African in America is still seen as being simply black and color is still a preoccupation above almost all else. There is not enough room in the conversation for the rest of a man's story.

But Obama is his mother's son. In his wide-open rhetoric about what can be instead of what was, you see a hint of his mother's credulity. When Obama gets donations from people who have never believed in politics before, they're responding to his ability—passed down from his mother—to make a powerful argument (that happens to be very liberal) without using a trace of ideology. On a good day, when he figures out how to move a crowd of thousands of people very different from himself, it has something to do with having had a parent who gazed at different cultures the way other people study gems.

It turns out that Obama's nascent career peddling hope is a family business. He inherited it. And while it is true that he has not been profoundly tested, he was raised by someone who was.

Update 8/11/09: By the way, I thought this was an excellent column on Anne Dunham Soetoro.

At the conclusion of his blathering, an author’s credit tells us that Billo is a “contributing editor” of Parade Magazine.

All the more reason why, despite some interesting “Intelligence Report” features, I continue to be grateful for the fact that it is a free supplement, since I surely would never pay for anything that grants column space to such egomaniacal musings.