Monday, August 07, 2006

It's "Third And Long," Joe

This isn’t really a sports post, but I should start by pointing out that I had a few minutes at the end of yesterday to watch some of the Hall of Fame football game between the Eagles and the (Oakland/LA/Anaheim of LA/whatever they are) Raiders (I mean, the parts of the game that actually WEREN’T filled with commercials, but when it comes to sports on TV these days, I know that will never change).

It was in the fourth quarter, and the Eagles had a guy in there at quarterback named Chang who I’d never heard of. Well, I expected Al Michaels, John Madden, and some sideline-roving, faceless female voice to provide some information on who this guy was as well as what it was that was taking place on the football field at the time (yes, I know it’s only pre-season, but isn’t that what their job is supposed to be?).

Instead, they were yakking about these CEO types who were in the running to be named as the next NFL commissioner (see, Paul Tagliabue of the august, mighty and oh-so-self-important National Football League is apparently going to make an announcement to that effect today). And all three voices were talking about these guys like I’m supposed to care about whom and what they are. And a graphic appeared onscreen with these guys’ names and percentages next to them, like that’s what the percentage chance is of their getting named according to some poll or survey or something (and by the way, I never did find out who this Chang guy was).

And then it hit me; this should be Joe Lieberman’s next job.

Tagliabue should tell all of these other CEOs and insurance salesmen or whatever they are to “hit the bricks,” because this is the perfect job for Lieberman after he loses to Ned Lamont tomorrow. I can’t think of a more appropriate job for a whiny, self-righteous sellout like “Holy Joe” than that of head of a bunch of vainglorious egomaniacs who, though they pay a high physical price as players I’ll admit, are nonetheless compensated in absurdly exorbitant ways for their remaining days on this earth, all in the name of playing a game for about three hours one day a week for a maximum of about 20 weeks a year.

Besides, Joe, your “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on the Iraq war isn’t going to pay off. You will NEVER get Rummy’s job. It’s clear that The Defense Secretary You Have can do ANYTHING and NEVER be fired from this nightmare of an administration.

So there you go, Joe – pick up the phone and call Paul Tagliabue today. Besides, most of the games are televised on Fox, so if they need you for an interview, you’ll feel right at home.

And by the way, this is too little, too late.

No comments: