Tell Hamlet To Lighten Up

Somehow I could never picture "Lord Larry" reciting this as part of a public service announcement after a performance at the "old Vic," though he could have been tempted based on this story.

O that this too, too solid flesh
Should not melt in the sun, but be pampered, enjoying the pleasure
Of a generous government-sponsored vacation
As part of our country's socialized benefits package
Yea, to be coddled, nurtured
From womb to newborn, newborn to toddler
Toddler to adolescent, unto adult
Where mothers are paid to stay home
And tend to children 'til pre-school
Thus is happy, productive society ensur'd
By making investment most sweet in loins' finest fruit
But hark, thou darkest measure
Maximizing GNP, employer earnings per share
Is thuseth sheathed like a bare bodkin
No sweat on curs'd brow; we play, that's the thing
To this, our country's conscience, we're all kings
Behold our state of life, rough hewn in no way
Where cats all mew and even dogs have their day

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And speaking of actors who have played The Melancholy Dane, check this out.