I'm Jeff Gannon, And You're Not

Good day and hello. Here are today’s top stories from the Bringing U Shared Harmony In Television (BUSHIT) Network.

Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez is captured through a combined joint venture of Caribbean-based Special Ops forces and recent graduates of the School for the Americas.

President George W. Bush and Donald Rumsfeld are this year’s co-nominees for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Exxon-Mobil executive Lee Raymond will chair a seminar debunking the global warming hoax at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton Business School.

An Iraqi American in Kansas City praises President Bush in 2003 for the fall of Saddam Hussein (oops…sorry, we already ran that one).

The baby daughter of actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt passes first-ever in utero screen test and appears onstage shortly after delivery.

And in this BUSHIT exclusive, the NSA calls 911 for Mr. Orville J. Pludthumper of East Moonbat, Kansas when they listen in on a conversation with his jailed brother-in-law and overhear him trying to pass a kidney stone.

All this and more is coming your way tonight on the BUSHIT Network. Remember, if it’s wildly improbable and pays tribute to our government without a dissenting point of view, you know it’s BUSHIT!