Inspired by
this item from CNN...
“This is your captain announcing that we will begin our instantaneous, 5,000-foot descent shortly on this direct US Airways flight from Las Vegas to Jamaica, NY that is scheduled to land in approximately two hours. First, I wish to call your attention to the overhead compartment containing your air sickness bags. Please note the advertisement on the front of the bags for “E-Z Intestine” antacid tablets that are guaranteed to calm your digestive tract when any nasty turbulence suddenly occurs. This new product from our good friends at Shyster International Pharmaceuticals guarantees fast relief, and it comes in four tasty flavors: burnt spinach, coffee grounds, stale lavatory cake, and egg crème. It is not intended for use by nursing mothers, Methodists, left-handed albinos, anyone who has lived in Cameroon for a period of longer than five months, or people with delicate constitutions. You can always trust Shyster to know when it’s time to involuntarily release bodily fluids. Now please close your overhead compartments. Our free fall will commence momentarily.”
And what does it say about flying on US Airways, by the way, that they would think this is an appropriate news story?
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