I hope this letter finds you well. It has been some time since I have last thought of you, but when I do, you are foremost in my thoughts.And here, here and here are links to more individuals gladdened by today's news (the TPM Cafe link under "Birthday Note" features a quote where Bolton says, in essence, that the U.N. is "irrelevant" if it doesn't unconditionally support Israel...that will sure make things easier for our people in Iraq, won't it?).
After all, you are such an indomitable personality. Why, I can never forget the piercing stare of your cold eyes, the overgrown mustache, and the clenched mouth and jaw just prior to an outbreak of utter hysteria. These are the hallmarks that define you.
What I have to tell you does not come easily (no, seriously…it really doesn’t).
I feel that somehow we’ve grown apart, you and I. I have watched you continue in your confrontational, browbeating behavior (as noted here, you once chased a foreign aid worker across a hotel in Russia…”throwing things at me, shoving threatening letters under my door and generally behaving like a madman,” as recorded by Ellen Goodman), which is in line with your poor judgment in allowing cooperate threat-reduction accords between the U.S. and Russia to be jeopardized by a petty dispute over liability provisions in the post you held before you were named as U.N. Ambassador in a recess appointment (your conduct is noted here, with Sen. Pete Domenici, a Republican from New Mexico, noting caustically to you that “nuclear proliferation is a deadly serious business and those who do not take it so are fools.” The brass hand grenade you keep in your desk is a symbol of what you’d like to do to the building housing the community of nations that you purport to represent, which again is in keeping with your temperament.
I, on the other hand, am choosing to pursue a path of sanity and mutual cooperation.
I can’t really tell you that I’ve agonized over what I have to say next, but I must be fair to you and your feelings and state it plainly. I must pursue a relationship with someone else (actually, I don’t know who just yet, though I have some ideas, as long as it isn’t with you…I’m sorry; that was thoughtless of me).
It has become apparent that it isn’t fair to expect you to change and become a person truly compatible with my needs and interests, so I feel that I must say this to you and ask that we remain as friends from a distance. I know this is difficult, but I believe we will each grow and mature as a result of this experience. So I ask that you respect my wishes at this moment, in which case pointless and costly legal intervention will be rendered completely unnecessary.
John, I wish you peace, happiness and satisfaction in your life and future endeavors. Bless you, and don’t let the door hit you as you leave.
Yours (Until We Approve Your Replacement),
The 110th (Incoming Democratic) U.S. Congress
And Dubya, acting in a newfound spirit of "bipartisanship," blasted Congress for blocking Bolton's appointment (the beat goes on...).
Update: And by the way, regarding Domenici here, I hope he was wearing the "footie" kind (hat tip to Atrios).
Update 12/5: Stephen Schlesinger at HuffPo has more.