Monday, July 11, 2005

The Return Of "Gunga Dan"

This is the HBO Evening News, Dan Rather reporting. Yes, I’m back because I couldn’t stand my new assignment at CBS any more, and that was to review and “sanitize” the scripts for the evening newscasts in accordance with the demands of new anchor and onetime colleague Bob Schieffer, whose brother has partnered with individuals close to the Bush family in Texas to run a small business. Bob refused to see a conflict of interest in this arrangement and because of that, he insisted that I change or remove any news references that the Bush family might find to be “uncomfortable.”

My working arrangement in this way was personally stipulated by the Bush family as a punishment for the negative publicity created by the National Guard story that I reported based partly on documents from longtime Bush antagonist Bill Burkett that could not be authenticated. As you recall, the story stated that George W. Bush received favorable treatment and was allowed a spot in the Texas Air National Guard to escape the draft which surely would have sent his lily livered, Ivy League, drunken butt over to the ‘Nam.

However, even though this has been reported and substantiated by news organizations around the world, including by journalists such as Greg Palast, CBS News did not appreciate the dustup among its shareholders and the negative publicity generated by the corporate media’s right wing echo chamber, resulting in my acceptance of a new assignment and the firing of three other highly skilled news professionals.

When I sought a new position, I contacted my good friend Jim Lehrer to see if I could work as a part-time anchor or correspondent for the News Hour, but Jim told me in no uncertain terms that I was considered to be poison in the news business as a result of the National Guard fiasco. Besides, since the Corporation for Public Broadcasting is now run by Kenneth Tomlinson, a conservative demagogue working on behalf of the Bush family, Jim told me that it’s all he can do to hold onto his own job, let alone trying to use whatever clout he has left to create an opportunity by someone who, to use Jim’s words, is “vilified like no other” by the conservative media juggernaut.

I will spare you the particulars of how I came to enter my current relationship with Home Box Office. Suffice to say that this news program officially begins its six-week trial run with this broadcast, and even though I hope to salvage whatever credibility I still have in this business by anchoring a program of in-depth reporting and analysis on the current issues of the day, taking a sometimes hard-hitting look in the best tradition of advocacy journalism, it is projected that the ratings for this broadcast will fall somewhere in between the broadcast of the NHL draft on ESPN and the finals in this year’s “Texas Hold ‘Em” tournament.

On tonight’s newscast, Richard Threlkeld reports on the prospects for future incidents of Mad Cow disease in the meatpacking and poultry industries due to the relaxation of FDA regulations since the Reagan Administration and the further relaxation of guidelines under the current Bush Administration, Lynn Braver reports on how many laps President Bush did in his pool today while 20 coalition force members and Iraqi civilians died in a series of IED and car bomb explosions, Richard Valeriani reports on further stonewalling in the U.S. Congress and the Ohio legislature in a response to inquiries regarding improprieties and possible illegalities in that state concerning the November 2004 presidential election from U.S. Representative John Conyers, Walter Cronkite provides a special report on the under funding of the police, fire and rescue departments in this country which would serve as “first responders” in the event of a terrorist attack in light of the recent London bombings, and Allen Pizzey reports on proposed new regulations in Congress that would ensure a steady stream of liquidity for evangelical millionaires at the expense of the growing number of Medicaid recipients in this country.

But first, this program note. Tune in for the season premiere of “The Sopranos” in which Tony and Paulie Walnuts learn how to play chess, Carmela tries to oppress her simmering lust for Father Phil, prison inmate Johnny Sack completes his initiation and officially become a member of Opus Dei, and Silvio quits the racket to play guitar for Bruce Springsteen and the “E” Street Band.

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