Hakuna Matata, Dubya

I’ve spent way, WAY too much time than I should have had to dumping on George W. Bush for a variety of reasons over the last year (coming up on that, between here and the old site), but I have to give him credit for something, and that is this. I cannot recall anyone who has been so good at taking vacations on the job as he has been since he was (Installed? Inaugurated? Elected and possibly re-elected under highly dubious circumstances? Oh, never mind…) as president.

And just to illustrate my point, he’s taking another one right now! What a model of consistency!

Well, with that in mind (and also keeping in mind that I do not wish to see violence happen to anyone, even a character as loathsome as Dubya is), I’d like to advise the President to be safe as he relaxes from the stress and strain of his high office. I would hate to see any, some, or all of the following happen to him (once, twice, or repeatedly):

· Accidentally fracturing his middle index finger while having a Frisbee toss with a Secret Service agent so he cannot use it again any time at a moment’s notice

· Plunging an ATV into a massive sink hole

· Inadvertently hacking himself with a chainsaw while trying to cut away underbrush for the fifth time

· Avoiding sourdough pretzel nuggets lest he choke again (remember that one?)

· Encountering Stevie Wonder again and waving hello to him

· Bringing a video camera with him to watch the Texas Rangers, his former team, and happening to get the device in the face of pitcher Kenny Rogers

· Listening to an aide tell him that someone found oil on that new tenth planet in the solar system that was just discovered, and then having Frist and DeLay (not buds at the moment) ramrod through Congress an emergency appropriations bill to fund exploration before Dubya found out the whole thing was a joke

Advising this president on these matters is, I believe, my patriotic duty. It is incumbent upon me to express my wishes for his safety so he can return to Washington and make more boneheaded decisions that I can rant about on this site, thus giving me all the motivation I will ever need to keep it running.